The following reflection originally appeared in the newsletter I sent out on March 8th, 2021.
————
Ever since my teen years, I’ve enjoyed watching action/thriller movies; e.g. I’ve seen all 24 James Bond films, most of them multiple times. However, if you’ve also been watching action movies the past couple of decades, you’ll know they’ve become increasingly violent and graphic.
On the recent darkness retreat I did, I noted a semi-regular flow of violent images and words float through my mind. It was fairly easy to see that these images/words directly stemmed from the movies I’ve watched over the course of the past year my life, oftentimes exact scenes replaying in the stillness of retreat-mind.
This isn’t exactly new to me, but on this retreat, I acutely noticed how I have become so desensitized to these violent thoughts that they just feel normal — like there’s a television show in my mind that I permit because “it’s just a television show.” Upon reflecting on this, I became deeply bothered by the simple fact that I wasn’t bothered by these thoughts! This is not where I want my inner life to be steering!
In turn, I made a resolution that I will no longer watch violent movies. Initially, I committed myself to one month, as I always find it best to begin resolutions with a short, explicit time frame, but this feels likely to become indefinite.
Of course, there is some degree of subjectiveness in what constitutes “violence,” or whether or not things like documentaries on slavery or other painful injustices would count, but all of that is just the details. The important part is getting clear with myself on the link between what I take in and the quality of my mind:
Am I taking in things that lead to a mind fused with love or a mind fused with stress & harm?
Even further, this line of inquiry reminds me that I have a lot of agency and choice in this matter. I am not subject to my conditioning, to my past, to my impulses, or to my cultural inclinations. By changing my behavior, I am able to change my mind!
How about you?
What sorts of movies, topics of conversation (gossip? complaining? accumulation? nonsense?), songs, news, other forms of media, food, drink, substances, etc. are you taking in? Is the impact they have on your mind bringing more love into your life or more stress?
Know that you actually have a fair bit of agency in the inputs you take in, and those inputs will shape your mind, which in turn will form the substance of your life.
What are you becoming?
***6/2025 update: I just saw this old post, and wanted to report that I can’t remember the last violent movie I watched. Over these last four years, a few violent movies snuck in at various points, mostly reinforcing the desire to not watch them, and it’s well been well over a year since the last one (maybe a couple of years?).
More broadly, over these years, the more I realized how few movies actually brightened the mind, I lost a lot of my interest in watching them at all. At this point, I watch one every month or two and usually take some care to make sure it’s uplifting, educational, or beneficial in some way.
—————
If you would like to get a monthly’ish email with reflections like this one, along with some event updates, sign up here for the newsletter.