The following reflection originally appeared in the newsletter I sent out on April 20th, 2021.
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Like many Portlanders, as the weather gets warmer, one thing that starts to come to mind is summer camping. And, of course, one great camp activity is sitting around the fire for hours on end.
This has got me reflecting that tending a campfire is a lot like tending one’s attitude.
Once we have a good attitude rolling along, it’s not too hard to keep it going. Yes, we do need to do a little bit of work, tossing a log of spiritual practice on our attitude from time to time, or maybe using a meditative poker-stick to knock some compassion into the center. But, just like a campfire, once it’s going, this is all pretty easy.
But then come the raindrops or a big burst of wind. A little tiff in a primary relationship. Stress at work. A sleepless night. Physical pain or discomfort. In other words, a “bad attitude” creeps in.
What to do?
The first thing is always just to recognize the bad attitude — to be able to notice, “grumpiness is happening,” being completely honest with myself, maybe even saying it verbally.
From there, with great tenderness, I often like to physically pause, take a breath or two or seven hundred, and really allow whatever experience is present to be present. Sometimes this is enough for the “bad attitude” to melt away altogether.
But, when the “bad attitude” persists, I like to ground in the felt sense of the body and do some “wise reflection.” This could come in the form of a question, such as, “what’s a more skillful way to show up in this moment?” or “what’s feeding this attitude?” Inversely, it may come as a mind probe, like directing myself into self-compassion or gratitude, or tuning into the Four Noble Truths, reflecting that “suffering occurs” and when I’m at odds with life, I suffer x 10; and, even so, there is also the possibility of liberating change in this moment.
If the blockage is just a little drizzle, these reflections often get me back on track. However, sometimes life just starts pouring. For some of us, it might feel like it’s been pouring for years. One thing after another on repeat.
This past weekend, when I came off the opiates I was taking 24/7 for a few days after my foot surgery, I was definitely in a funk. A number of things beyond that also coalesced and I was stuck in a “bad attitude.” I recognized it, but I was still stuck.
So what to do when our attitude feels depressed, anxious, angry or grumpy, and we feel thoroughly stuck in it, unable to break free?
Here, I have one very important practice that has greatly improved my life:
- Gentle perseverance – first and foremost, gentleness with myself. But then adding to it a quality of patience, where I know deep down that just like everything else, this will eventually change.
Whether it’s an hour or a year later, gentle perseverance always seems to get the firewood dry enough again where another fire is possible.
Anyhow, point of the reflection — the quality of our life is not so much dictated by what happens externally, but rather how we relate to it internally, so carefully tend your fire, log by log, day after day, and you’ll likely be much more ready for wind and rain of all sizes.
In this moment, what attitude is present?
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