The following reflection originally appeared in the newsletter I sent out on June 15th, 2021

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Typically, when I hear talk about addictions, it has to do with being addicted to harmful substances or behaviors, like cigarettes, cocaine, or gambling.  Of course, there’s a good reason for this, as these tend to be some of the most destructive addictions out there.

However, when we look closely, addiction itself is destructive, regardless of what the object/behavior of addiction is.  And, even further, addictions are much more widespread than we might imagine.  To illustrate, here’s a simple yet powerful definition of addiction, from Dr. Judson Brewer:

“Continued use despite adverse consequences”

Think about that for a moment.  Continued use despite adverse consequences.  It really opens the door to include just about everything:

• Continued smartphone scrolling despite adverse consequences.
• Continued procrastination despite adverse consequences.
• Continued ruminating despite adverse consequences.
• Continued snacking despite adverse consequences.
• Continued night owl’ing despite adverse consequences.
• Continued self-criticism despite adverse consequences.

The list goes on and on.  I’m sure just about all of us, if we really look closely at ourselves, can find some things we continually use/do despite adverse consequences.

For myself, thinking about these behaviors as “addictions” can be a powerful framing. 

It brings a little quiver to my heart.  A quality of tender care.  It gets me to look more honestly & deeply at behaviors the complacent part of me would see and say, “oh yeah, I know that’s not the best habit, but it’s not that big of a deal.  It doesn’t have a majorly negative impact on my life, so I can just let it slide.  I just want things to be easy.”

When I can look more honestly & deeply than that voice, and see these behaviors as addictions, I guess I just feel more motivated to make changes.  And where I’m motivated, I make things happen.

For those who still might think, “I have no addictions,” or, “these behaviors don’t have adverse consequences,” consider that dharma practice is essentially about exposing our addictions & their impacts on subtler and subtler levels — the addiction to our views, to feeling good, to the sense of self, to unnecessary thinking, etc.  It’s really easy to miss these subtle mental-emotional habits, but as our meditation practice deepens, we see more clearly that these internal habits are pervasive and do indeed create stress.  It’s quite literally the start of the Buddhist meditative path—the 1st Noble Truth—to clearly see stress/suffering.

Anyhow, the point of this reflection isn’t for you to feel bad about yourself and slip into that addiction of self-criticism.  Rather, it’s an invitation to sobriety.

As someone who has gone from alcohol issues to sober, I can say that life is about 1,000 times better when I approach it with a clear mind, reliably centered, and not under the influence.  And for every other untraditional addiction I’ve let go of, like snacking or passive-aggressiveness, the movement into “sobriety” has significantly improved my life.

What are you addictions?  Are you open to looking at those (with self-compassion)?  What might life be like if you went “sober”?

If you really want / are ready for change, I have confidence you will make it happen (even if may take a decade to get there)!

 

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